another letter to a friend ...

I'm sure Sean won't mind me paraphrasing him here, as it was his message that prompted the tirade ...

As Blair says, sounds like you should just get the fuck out. Make the leap - you've lots of friends in London and Glasgow. You're totally employable but you have to be around to get offered the gigs. You can always say no until your cash starts to run out.
As they say, it's nae borra.
Take it very easy and don't be afraid of vaulting the (geographical) abyss. What's to lose?

OK, I was planning to make the move back to London in May 2011. That was to allow me a year or so to earn BIG DOLLAR as an executive assistant for some corporate gentleman in a lovely oil&gas firm here in this little town, so that when I got back, I'd have enough cash to find myself somewhere nice to live and get settled proper like. Then I'd work the summer and start some sort of study in September of art practices + curatorship, maybe getting a wee job in a gallery and ultimately one day ending up as some sort of curator of art vs music type happenings.

And I was rather happy with putting aside my morals in order to do so, as dollars and alleviating the planet of it's natural resources are not really the top on my priorities list, y'see.

But, my lack of current work experience, and lack of employment in Perth by companies that these corporate peoples recognise seems to be going against me, and I've spent the last six weeks applying for jobs that in an ideal world I wouldn't do, and then I get rejected from them all! Some 100 odd jobs!! What the dickens??

So, I've now started applying for temp admin work, and receptionist/secretary jobs, which I'm either over-qualified for or my word/typing skills aren't fast enough for. Unfortunately, I don't have a network of music biz people here in this town to call upon, as I know I'd get work in Glasgow/London/Melbourne easy enough.

The cash ran out while I was in London at Christmas, and I've been haemorrhaging even more since then. Avoiding credit card bills, as I'm unable to pay them, don't want to know what will happen there...

But then, I don't want to leave here just yet. I know I've said I always disliked this place, but I've kind of set myself up OK now that I've moved out of my folks, and I'd been looking forward to a year in Perth to follow through with my sensible, mentally healthy, financially secure plan. I have a fabulous house my with bestest, oldest friend and housemate, a gorgeously mental kittycat, some good friends that I can mostly call on, and my folks aren't that far away when I fancy popping in on them, like most normal people do - something I haven't had in fifteen years. However, the nightlife is mainly poor, the boys are non-existent, people CAN'T dance and there's only about four people who know of Northern Soul. And it's expensive. And hot. And the public transport system needs some investment. But my bike is fun ...

Calamitous?? I don't know where to turn, I've started even thinking of trying to get summer work on the road overseas, but like you said, kinda impossible if I'm not located that way.

Waiting for something to land in my lap isn't going to happen, but I'm so tired of constantly getting knocked back, that I don't have the wherewithal - or desire, even - to play the game that this stupid employment sector demands these days, namely, that you have to sell yourself like a corporate salesperson in order to succeed. For someone who isn't so confident at the best of times, this is rather problematic, and I know I'm missing out because of it, but I don't know how to be different.

Sorry, whinge over ... any tips gratefully appreciated?

*all italics courtesy of the Conservative Perth filter...

Please tell me this didn't really happen ...

Last night sitting on my bed after a day at school, I'd had a lovely mini-date/coffee with a friend from class, and was feeling tired but good. Dad comes in to tell me about some TV personality who'd committed suicide, we got to talking about how if I ever felt like that again I had to talk to someone. But I'd only just been thinking about how much easier an out it can be minutes before as I was reading about the guys death, which I told Dad, and how I noticed the guy didn't have a partner too, which at his (also my) age, sometimes doesn't help matters terribly much.

And then Dad preceeded to tell me about he'd only just said to Mum the day before about how lonely I must be, here in Perth, in this house, not being able to talk to them about anything, and how nice it would be if I could meet someone. To which the fear of having to talk to people I don't know returned and I started feeling even worse.

I knew things were bad, but I didn't think it'd ever get so far as to attract my parent's pity. Sheesh, I don't think there's an awful lot lower than that.

Except, there is. When your Dad tells you how you can start conversations iwth engineers and tell them about all the interesting things I've done. Which I told him is all well and good, and I know people are interested in me, but unless there's a apark of something interesting about them that they let slip; their passion, or what makes them tick, then it's just another empty boring soulless conversation that I would rather drink myself to death than have.

So you'll forgive me for being rather depressed today then, won't you? To top it all off, I had awful nightmare this morning which I haven't had for ages - yes, they were about running away from scary things or getting into trouble again, of course! - and so with the all-pervading sense of darkness, I start crying when "Shadows" comes on and I realise how much I miss Age & James and how little I will actually see of them while they're in Perth this weekend. I just pictured Age doing his little dance and I burst into tears.

I miss my male friends, I hate not having them here to talk to. I miss all my firends, and all my girlfriends most especially, but there is nothing like the comfort of being with people who love and understand you and want to go out and get drunk and perve on cute boys and DANCE with you. And Age & I do that so very very well.

Where has all the fucking fun in my life gone?

“We used to feel like dancing and screwing are the two things that we are still allowed to enjoy in life, and… we [want] to make music that [encourages] people to do one of those things or both,” Julian Hamilton, one half of The Presets, said recently.

Friends, today is not a good day. I will hopefully see you all tomorrow.