What's the difference between arrogance and self-confidence? Why aren't self-confidence and self-esteem the same thing? (and why does this cursor go so bloody slow - gah! Gonna try typing into TextEdit and cut and paste instead ...) And what prompts one to ask these questions, you ask? Can I answer with another question? I mean another after that one? And that one there? Ditto? Geezo, would you just STOP IT woman!
OK, I was having a shower - always thinking in the shower, doesn't everyone? - and thinking about the Mental Health Community forum I went to last night. They had several speakers, including a lady who has schizophrenia, and although her explanation and observations were very personal, informative and above all delivered well, I couldn't help but think that I could have done better. Not that my story is any more tragic or interesting than her's, but that I could engage, inform and entertain people better. How awfully judgemental is that! Which led me to thinking about what an arrogant thought it was and likened it to the thought's I was having the other day when talking to a friend about his tutor's at his TAFE course. The gentleman who lectures there is a music manager, but (and again, there's the judgement) within the local industry, and is interested in meeting me. I'm sure I could tell him a thing or two about my experiences, and perhaps - as they're on a wider scale - they could also be of interest to his students. (Of course, I was more likely thinking "I know more than you do" but I am trying not to be so arrogant about it. Oops, failed.) I will go and meet this gentleman lecturer and I now want to see if there is a place for me to send my writing to with regards to my experiences as a Mental Health Consumer and see if there is anything other people can learn from it. When I thought about it again, it all sounded a bit arrogant to me. So, what is the difference then, between arrogance and self-confidence, where does the line lie? Is it drawn by the motivation behind the thoughts, between wanting to - in this instance - share knowledge as opposed to boasting about it? These are the things I think about whilst having a shower...
And then when I started writing, I wondered how I could possibly feel confident enough to want to go out there and share my observations with others, when I have such l-o-w self-esteem? (We're talking kinda mid-Pacific Ocean trenches kinda l-o-w here). Why aren't self-confidence and self-esteem the same thing? Does anyone have heaps of both? Does everyone have a deficit in one of them?
I have no answers today. I had made myself a promise that seeing that it is my BIRTHDAY (yep, 21 again ...) that I would not be participating in my illness today, but it seems that my quiet times lead to contemplation. Which leads me here.
Happy birthday to me :) I made it! Bring on Christmas ...
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3 comments:
my god you ask hard questions girl!! but good ones ... but i am the same, usually i have decent self confidence (eg i believe i'm a good teacher and a good writer) but self esteem goes like a sine curve. my own theory is that self confidence seems to be more about measurable things like i can say i'm a good teacher because i get good feedback from students etc or you can say you know lots about the music industry because you have tonnes of experience and know lots of info/people/ideas etc and that's simply indisputable! but self esteem is (i reckon) that dumb bit where you (and me) worry about what people think and (well me at least, and prob you too) totally over-interpret small things that other people say/do and decide that means they disapprove of us etc etc. hmm ... that's my 2 cents. how do the experts describe self esteem?
Experts? Aren't we the experts??? Hmm, do you see this if I write here? I dinnae get this part of it yet. I'll go find out what them experts have to say and update you latorz x
OMG! I totally missed your birthday! Sorry, sorry, sorry, am such a bad friend! Was trying to remember brother Tom's (tomorrow) and that took all the birthday remembering portion of my brain. Plus, I'm not used to you being around! Anyway, I hope you had a decent sort of a day. Big birthday hugs from me. (and yes, bring on christmas, then I'll be there!! woo)
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