NO LIGHTS ...

Sheesh, red wine on the plane, what am I thinking? Things are getting desperate, or rather, back to normal? I'm not quite sure which it is, could be either really. Not that it matters, no-one else is keeping count, or tally, or whatever other word you'd like to call it ... Thanks for the mix Dan, this should keep me entertained for a wee while at least.

What was I going to write about? Things to be done I suppose, desires that are still wanting. What clarity has this morning provided? Not much more than from last night, however there are a few more friendly faces around town to make me feel welcome. Age is right though, I should make a list of the things I want to do, I'm not so sure about keeping it private, I don't really care what anyone else thinks, I just need to have it somehow I know I can refer to it, not hidden away where I'll never reflect on it. Let's see if I can get it to 10 just now ...

1. Learn Spanish - to no particular extent, just to start and to continue doing so if possible.
2. Purchase the acoustic bass that I've always been on about, and teach myself how to play.
3. Become a TM proper - I could amend this to being: go on tour overseas with a band I love, either or would do. However from the "Dreams" list it would be fabulous to be able to make it into a proper job.
4. Own a cat - doesn't go terribly well with the overseas TM job, but y'know, I'm trying to come up with 10 things here!
5. Learn to DJ - either that or just find a program where I can mix tracks into one another so I can do it at home. I doubt I'd be terribly good at it, I'd just still really like to do it.
6. Write more - blogs, stream of consciousness, diary, fiction, lyrics, prose, whatever. I should keep more of what I think, mostly so that I don't let it destroy my mind, but also just for, because I always said I couldn't.
7. Cook one new thing every week - difficult with the parentals, but necessary. And I could keep a journal of what I make, thereby writing more too.
8. Be more confident - believe in myself more, believe in people wanting to know and talk me. Speak to the people I want to, I need to lose the paralysing fear I have of rejection. Be more like I was on Friday night, I enjoyed the rush of it all, and it paid off handsomely ... oh, did it ever.
9. Move back to Melbourne - again, difficult, yet necessary. End of November looks good, set about making plans to make this happen.
10. Get married - so much easier said than done, but it does need to be acknowledged. There's no point pretending it isn't actually the longest real desire I've had on the list. I'm sending it out there, I want it happen. It ultimately has to be for love but it can start off with a visa/passport thing if necessary. I don't know how I manage to daydream so incredibly far off into the future from just one night, but ... oh, you never know. I don't know how I allow myself to (seemingly) be hurt so badly, yet to still think of the good in it; the possibility is still very very fresh in the air. That's today's perspective anyway, this very minute.

The silly boy is still very much desired. If only ...

OK, I made it to 10, that's an achievement in itself. Post it tonight, see where I go. Review soon, very soon.