Two problems

One is my heart, there's not really an awful lot that can be done about that just now. Needless to say, it's kind of driving me ever-so-slightly insane and I wish there was a cure for time, or insanity, or daydreaming, or distance, or any of the things that seem to be preventing me from being able to dull the ache. Will-power would be useful too, any quick fixes out there for that one? I think common sense, beauty and intelligence are completely over-rated; if it could be bottled and sold, will-power is what I'd be investing in big time.

I suppose that links me neatly on to dilemma number two. I'd much rather keep thinking about dilemma number one though, as there is a nice happy ending to that. Actually, that's a lie - what a surprise. There's a fictional fantasy escape land where dilemma number one can be solved in a myriad of ways, much like a Choose Your Own Adventure novel. Happy endings galore. Serious avoidance going on again, my goodness, I know I can lie to myself most of the time, but that blatant fake out was just pathetic. It's obvious I don't really want to write about this now. I was in the mood earlier, started whilst I was waiting for Liv to call so I could go pick her up, but it seems the overriding guilty need to out myself has faded. I just need some help. I need some practical help, but I'm not really sure where to turn for it. I think I actually know the answer to that question, but (typically) that thought spirals off into a seemingly endless dull existence, so I'm not so keen to pursue that particular outcome. It's not a particularly nice problem/dilemma really. Needs a little bit of owning up to. And a hefty whack of soul searching to try and find out why. That's what I'm semi-scared, the why. Actually, the why is OK, it's the then dealing with the why, side-stepping it's stupidness - because it most like will be pathetically stupid - and then starting afresh. If I could banish such thoughts and be "normal" then it would all be fine.

Maybe the dull existence is what is really called for after all? If I could have the dull existence with dilemma number one solved, maybe that would be OK? Not likely, I need a *balanced* existence, remember!

This is rubbish, I'm going to just go daydream instead ...