Here's a lovely paragraph I stumbled across, from my usual weblinkings through the world of The Guardian:-
The idea that marriage is a settling into long-term cosiness is bizarre. A succession of short relationships allows you to coast. Staying with one person doesn't (or shouldn't). A vibrant 70-year-old I interviewed recently in New York told me that whenever she and her husband of 40 years felt tempted to have an affair, they'd come back, sit down with each other, and work out what frustrations had bubbled up in their relationship that they were trying to resolve elsewhere, and how they could deal with them. Nothing cosy there, only a constant evolving.
That's the kind of relationship I want. Hello Universe, are you listening????
Wednesday 30 July 2008
Tuesday 29 July 2008
Sunday 27 July 2008
i am so angry i cannot think of a suitable title
I am going ever-so-slightly f***ing crazy attempting to wipe the cache of my CrackBerry and sync it with my Mac, so during this incredibly frustrating task which seems to be taking at least 10 times longer than it should, I thought I would peruse the newspaper online, as I'd received my latest SundayHerald update email this morning ...
Bad move. I should have known it really.
There's all the Gordon Broon/nu-Labour backstabbing news with even more Tory general election leanings and legitimacy after the incredible defeat at the Glasgow East by-election served up from the SNP. Worrisome, but not fearsome. I go to read all my usual articles, Roddy's entertaining and informative column which helps me keep tabs on Ailidh sometimes, Fiona Gibson's silly parenting antics and Tom Shields' usual buffoonery. Except this time, Shields has something quite insiduous to divulge and I can't quite believe what I am reading ...
Expect a mutiny on any bounty scheme for the unemployed
I understand why governments do this kind of thing. I know I am on a similar scheme at present, but I also know that it is actually HELPING me and encouraging me to learn, work part-time and deal with my issues so that I can eventually go back to proper full-time work, doing something I love and enjoy and feel like getting up in the morning for.
If I was having to do "community service" to earn my unemployment/sickness/disabilty benefits or whatever you want to call them, then I think I'd be back on the edge of the precipice again. I'd feel even more worthless and alone, cast-out once more by the "system" and hated by "the man" for not conforming to their ideal of how people should live in this awful consumerist, capitalist bent we seem to be STILL encouraging citizens to strive towards.
"Mr Purnell believes nobody has a right to benefits." WHAT THE FUCK?? I can't even be bothered to censor that because it makes me so incredibly angry. Every citizen of every country deserves to the right to claim benefits for when they are unable to provide for themselves. That's what being a citizen is all about, right? Contributing when one can and receiving help when one needs it? That's the point of a society? Of a community? Or humanity? If it's not, then I'm sorry, but I don't want to play. But then you all knew that really, didn't you ...
Or am I really deluded in my so-called-idealistic fantasies as to how the world should be run?
My eyes have been opened an awful lot in the past year about benefits, unemployment, illness and how it differs between countries and peoples opinions towards benefits, both good and bad. I have a shiteload more I could say about all of this, but I just give thanks that I live in a country that can support me whilst I'm not doing so well. But what beggars belief, what I truly cannot accept, is that the very place that opened my eyes to the inequalities in the world and let me vote for a Socialist alternative is now going to allow this most despicable of acts to happen, to - for the most part - people who have no alternative to help themselve; no jobs, no prospects, no encouragment and no hope. I am beyond embarrassed that I was swept up in the '97 Tory revolt and actually voted for nu-Labour. It sickens me to the pit of my stomach. I didn't think GB could do this, I thought he would say no, he's fucking SCOTTISH for christsakes, he of ALL people should know better!?!
For those of you that have never heard of it before, please read about the concept of a Citizens Income. That's a UK site, here's a link for QUT's concept of a Basic Income for Australian citizens.
I encourage all thoughts and responses, I think it's something we should all be talking an awful lot more about. It especially concerns me when I realise the amount of friends I have, who have to take mental health days or breaks or years to recover from illness or stress, and how many of them are in the arts sectors where they can't rely on pensions, profits, parents or investment properties to help them recover from such "setbacks". Myself included.
Now I have no energy to continue with figuring out this fricking annoying phone bollocks. Seems a bit irrelevant just now anyways...
Bad move. I should have known it really.
There's all the Gordon Broon/nu-Labour backstabbing news with even more Tory general election leanings and legitimacy after the incredible defeat at the Glasgow East by-election served up from the SNP. Worrisome, but not fearsome. I go to read all my usual articles, Roddy's entertaining and informative column which helps me keep tabs on Ailidh sometimes, Fiona Gibson's silly parenting antics and Tom Shields' usual buffoonery. Except this time, Shields has something quite insiduous to divulge and I can't quite believe what I am reading ...
Expect a mutiny on any bounty scheme for the unemployed
I understand why governments do this kind of thing. I know I am on a similar scheme at present, but I also know that it is actually HELPING me and encouraging me to learn, work part-time and deal with my issues so that I can eventually go back to proper full-time work, doing something I love and enjoy and feel like getting up in the morning for.
If I was having to do "community service" to earn my unemployment/sickness/disabilty benefits or whatever you want to call them, then I think I'd be back on the edge of the precipice again. I'd feel even more worthless and alone, cast-out once more by the "system" and hated by "the man" for not conforming to their ideal of how people should live in this awful consumerist, capitalist bent we seem to be STILL encouraging citizens to strive towards.
"Mr Purnell believes nobody has a right to benefits." WHAT THE FUCK?? I can't even be bothered to censor that because it makes me so incredibly angry. Every citizen of every country deserves to the right to claim benefits for when they are unable to provide for themselves. That's what being a citizen is all about, right? Contributing when one can and receiving help when one needs it? That's the point of a society? Of a community? Or humanity? If it's not, then I'm sorry, but I don't want to play. But then you all knew that really, didn't you ...
Or am I really deluded in my so-called-idealistic fantasies as to how the world should be run?
My eyes have been opened an awful lot in the past year about benefits, unemployment, illness and how it differs between countries and peoples opinions towards benefits, both good and bad. I have a shiteload more I could say about all of this, but I just give thanks that I live in a country that can support me whilst I'm not doing so well. But what beggars belief, what I truly cannot accept, is that the very place that opened my eyes to the inequalities in the world and let me vote for a Socialist alternative is now going to allow this most despicable of acts to happen, to - for the most part - people who have no alternative to help themselve; no jobs, no prospects, no encouragment and no hope. I am beyond embarrassed that I was swept up in the '97 Tory revolt and actually voted for nu-Labour. It sickens me to the pit of my stomach. I didn't think GB could do this, I thought he would say no, he's fucking SCOTTISH for christsakes, he of ALL people should know better!?!
For those of you that have never heard of it before, please read about the concept of a Citizens Income. That's a UK site, here's a link for QUT's concept of a Basic Income for Australian citizens.
I encourage all thoughts and responses, I think it's something we should all be talking an awful lot more about. It especially concerns me when I realise the amount of friends I have, who have to take mental health days or breaks or years to recover from illness or stress, and how many of them are in the arts sectors where they can't rely on pensions, profits, parents or investment properties to help them recover from such "setbacks". Myself included.
Now I have no energy to continue with figuring out this fricking annoying phone bollocks. Seems a bit irrelevant just now anyways...
Saturday 26 July 2008
Something everyone should read
We have a drinking problem, and it makes oil seem cheap.
"It is an astonishing kind of stupidity that sees us duped into paying for bottles of water - stuff that flows free out of taps."
Can everyone who reads this article PLEASE vow to cut the number of bottles of water you buy? or soft drink, or cans or whatever? Use what's in the tap, or buy a filter if you can't deal with the tap stuff.
"It is an astonishing kind of stupidity that sees us duped into paying for bottles of water - stuff that flows free out of taps."
Can everyone who reads this article PLEASE vow to cut the number of bottles of water you buy? or soft drink, or cans or whatever? Use what's in the tap, or buy a filter if you can't deal with the tap stuff.
Tuesday 15 July 2008
Self-sabotage has supposedly ended ...
... yet why am I still up working and I still don't have a finished essay to hand in tomorrow?
I don't understand, it's like I fess up and "own" it, then all the fear goes and I don't bother anymore.
Fuck I'm lonely, and well sick of the nonsense in my mind tonight.
Waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting ...
I don't understand, it's like I fess up and "own" it, then all the fear goes and I don't bother anymore.
Fuck I'm lonely, and well sick of the nonsense in my mind tonight.
Waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting ...
Tuesday 8 July 2008
Two problems
One is my heart, there's not really an awful lot that can be done about that just now. Needless to say, it's kind of driving me ever-so-slightly insane and I wish there was a cure for time, or insanity, or daydreaming, or distance, or any of the things that seem to be preventing me from being able to dull the ache. Will-power would be useful too, any quick fixes out there for that one? I think common sense, beauty and intelligence are completely over-rated; if it could be bottled and sold, will-power is what I'd be investing in big time.
I suppose that links me neatly on to dilemma number two. I'd much rather keep thinking about dilemma number one though, as there is a nice happy ending to that. Actually, that's a lie - what a surprise. There's a fictional fantasy escape land where dilemma number one can be solved in a myriad of ways, much like a Choose Your Own Adventure novel. Happy endings galore. Serious avoidance going on again, my goodness, I know I can lie to myself most of the time, but that blatant fake out was just pathetic. It's obvious I don't really want to write about this now. I was in the mood earlier, started whilst I was waiting for Liv to call so I could go pick her up, but it seems the overriding guilty need to out myself has faded. I just need some help. I need some practical help, but I'm not really sure where to turn for it. I think I actually know the answer to that question, but (typically) that thought spirals off into a seemingly endless dull existence, so I'm not so keen to pursue that particular outcome. It's not a particularly nice problem/dilemma really. Needs a little bit of owning up to. And a hefty whack of soul searching to try and find out why. That's what I'm semi-scared, the why. Actually, the why is OK, it's the then dealing with the why, side-stepping it's stupidness - because it most like will be pathetically stupid - and then starting afresh. If I could banish such thoughts and be "normal" then it would all be fine.
Maybe the dull existence is what is really called for after all? If I could have the dull existence with dilemma number one solved, maybe that would be OK? Not likely, I need a *balanced* existence, remember!
This is rubbish, I'm going to just go daydream instead ...
I suppose that links me neatly on to dilemma number two. I'd much rather keep thinking about dilemma number one though, as there is a nice happy ending to that. Actually, that's a lie - what a surprise. There's a fictional fantasy escape land where dilemma number one can be solved in a myriad of ways, much like a Choose Your Own Adventure novel. Happy endings galore. Serious avoidance going on again, my goodness, I know I can lie to myself most of the time, but that blatant fake out was just pathetic. It's obvious I don't really want to write about this now. I was in the mood earlier, started whilst I was waiting for Liv to call so I could go pick her up, but it seems the overriding guilty need to out myself has faded. I just need some help. I need some practical help, but I'm not really sure where to turn for it. I think I actually know the answer to that question, but (typically) that thought spirals off into a seemingly endless dull existence, so I'm not so keen to pursue that particular outcome. It's not a particularly nice problem/dilemma really. Needs a little bit of owning up to. And a hefty whack of soul searching to try and find out why. That's what I'm semi-scared, the why. Actually, the why is OK, it's the then dealing with the why, side-stepping it's stupidness - because it most like will be pathetically stupid - and then starting afresh. If I could banish such thoughts and be "normal" then it would all be fine.
Maybe the dull existence is what is really called for after all? If I could have the dull existence with dilemma number one solved, maybe that would be OK? Not likely, I need a *balanced* existence, remember!
This is rubbish, I'm going to just go daydream instead ...
Saturday 5 July 2008
Meme me: 6 things about me
I've done this for email before and sent it out to friends, but never on a blog! Thanks to Amanda for tagging me, I'm always happy to write about myself, so here goes ...
I have to answer 6 questions about myself. At the end of the post, I then tag 6 people and post their names, then go to their blogs and leave them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read my blog. Then, I must let the person who tagged me know when I’ve posted my answers.
#1: 6 places I have lived
1. Victoria Street, Kalgoorlie (1979/80 - 1982): Hard to believe that this incredibly urban girl could have EVER managed in the "outback", but yes, I did three years service from the ages of 5 - 8. I hardly remember much, except for the red dirt and my incredible imagination expanding beyond all capabilities. Actually, compared to the Greenwood years, I actually remember an awful lot: the fairies under the tree in the front garden, rolling across the above-ground swimming pool cover (which was out-of-bounds of course) and falling in one winter, sucking condensed milk from the tube in Dad's dilly bag in the shed, having my first sister - Miss Kitty, the cat who adopted us, making up the "soap" story about condensed milk, the bloody handprint in Kerry's Dad's ambulance bay, playing maths games on Dad's computer at work, the swingset. My favourite photo of all time is out the front of this house, I will have to scan it in one day. It's of Paul and I in matching yellow waterproofs in the rain holding hands. I reckon he would have been three ... super cute.
2. Sholl Avenue, North Beach, Perth WA (1985 - 1995, 2007 - 2008): Aaah, I used to love this place; then I hated it, missed it, hated it and now tolerate it. It will never be home. The sea used to be welcoming, now I'm afraid of it. My room used to be my sanctuary, now it has demons in it. Paul's room is now safe, I don't mind being here so much, there are worse places to be. I don't like suburbia though, and Sholl Ave is the best example of middle-class middle-aged surburbia I can imagine.
3. Bakersfield, Holloway Prison, Tufnell Park, London N7 (1996): No joke, I lived on the prison grounds. For about six months. It was an old prison warders council flat, across three levels, different rooms on every level, and a disco toilet downstairs. My first proper UK residence (after over two months in the bed-bug ridden hostel in Earls Court), Cath, Sue, Daniel & I eked our existence in this bizarro space. I had the top floor, with my window looking out over the ex-prison grounds and onto the expanse of Tufnell Park, which wasn't terribly flash back in those days. It was far better than Holloway though, which I know became super cool about seven years ago, but back then it was well dodgy. N7 wasn't quite the NW5 postcode I was looking for, but it wasn't far off, and the bus ride down Camden Road to the zoo was pretty short. I remember Cath's massive posters from Our Price decorating the kitchen walls, Jarvis was our hero and he presided over everywhere.
4. Fraser House, Green Dragon Lane, Brentford, MIDDX, England (1996 - 1999): The London years. So much to say, I have no idea where to start. The last place in the world I could ever imagine existed let alone that I would live there, would be the nineteenth floor of a tower block overlooking the M4 and the north-west of London. Sharing a single mattress on the lino floor, living like jakey's with no refridgerator, carpet, curtains or furniture. My first real home though, David and I made it cosy and liveable, however guests, pigeons, jealousy, the band and maturity fucked all that up. I still have a load of fond memories though - the night with Alan, Tag (or was it Keith?) almost falling asleep in the flower bed, rude scrabble with Susannah, talking to Shelbs on the phone in the hall, sleeping on Karl's mattress after David & I had broken up, the divorce settlement consisting mostly of LP's.
5. Oakfield Avenue & Battlefield Gardens, Glasgow G12 & G42, Scotland (2000 - 2003): The Stephen years - lets get a house, House? Freezing nights in G12, awful fights in G42, but lots and lots of cooking, learning and discovering the person I wanted to become. I don't think it had a lot to do with the homes, more to do with the boyf, but still. In G12: Roots and Fruits around the corner!, the night we listened to Billy Connolly when I almost wet myself, the day Mum called to say Aunty Sue died, baking bread, pretending to study in the tiny freezing front room, Mark coming to stay for what seemed like ever! In G42: drunken nights with the Robbos and me screaming at Gem that she couldnae sing, the massive mexicana meals, fisticuffs in the hallway, baths after football, the forbidden emails. Good and bad times.
6. Flat 2/2, 1094 Cathcart Road G42, Scotland (2003 - 2006): MY HOME. The beautiful magnificent flat that I bought all on my own. I can't say enough wonderful things about this place, there are photos and memories galore of the happy happy times there. Yes, I know I also got sick there too, but it was mine, all mine, every single little square inch of it. My 28th birthday party with the Australian theme, the matching silver "whitegoods" in the kitchen, Simon and I staying up til ridiculous hours trying to paint the front room for M&D's impending arrival in the freezing December cold, the massive hall that felt like a ballroom, my days curled up in the cocoon on the couch in front of the TV unable to move, sloping floors and skewed walls, my bag wall in the bedroom, buying a drill to hang wooden blinds in the spare room and coming across all the different colours of paint layered under the window frames, AiH staying the night and having enough pillows for ALL of them! A special magical place, that'll be my Faraway Tree forever, I think?
#2: What was I doing 10 years ago?
July 1998? I was happily ensconced as the Girl Friday @ Jeepster in Kensal Rise, seemingly preparing for the release of TBWTAS (I had to go consult the B&S site to check that!) David & I were going strong, Shelbs was in Brum (I think?), Sinister was up and running and we'd had the very first London picnic. I can't check much else of what I was doing as Sinister is down and that's the only true archive I have of where and what I was saying/doing, how sad is that! It seems like my life revolved around the band, I was planning a trip home to Perth for that Christmas with David and I had a lot of friends and fun.
#3: 5 things on my to-do list today
Bugger, today's almost over. Can I do 5 things for tomorrow instead?
1. Ring Nanna to confirm I can do her washing on Monday and figure out what time to collect it.
2. NOT forget to tape Doctor Who!!!
3. Write on Sian & Stephen's engagement card and take it with me.
4. Make + take my lunch for the meditation day tomorrow.
5. Get back to Amanda about next Sunday and plan the rest of my social calender for the week.
#4: Snacks I like to eat
1. Biscuits - any kind, they are my problem food though and I will eat a PACKET in a go if given the opportunity or I come across the extreme laziness that prevents me from cooking.
2. Chocolate - should be dark, non-dairy, 70%+ cocoa solids, yet Dairy Milk often works too. That reminds me, I have a wrapper for a free Snickers in my bag that needs to be cashed in!
I'm not really a snack person it seems, I will eat anything you put in front of me (as long as there is no meat in it) but I would rather have a meal than a snack. Is that weird?
#5: If I was a billionaire
I would have very very very happy friends! Every so often I daydream of winning the lottery, never do I get to be a billionaire though, that just seems a ridiculous amount to envisage! As long as I could buy a flat in whatever city I wanted to live in (would be Melbourne at the moment), my friends, the bands I've worked for & various mental health, animal & green/socially responsible charities/organisations would get the bulk of the rest. Actually, I'd also try and promote the Arts and the teaching of Philosophy in schools somehow as well. I'd spend my days much as I do now, studying Philosophy and instead of working, I'd be learning Spanish, bass guitar and how to draw/paint as well. I'd buy all of Claude Maus' womens collections in size 8/S when they come out. There'd be lots and lots and lots of (mostly overseas) travelling as well, little jaunts here and there, with many friends as companions to make up for all the time I've had to spend travelling on my own.
#6: 6 bloggers to go to next
changesustain: My best friend Jen is changing her lifestyle in many ways, and this is her blog of the various thought processes that go into some of her & Tom's decisions. She might be far away, but I feel like I'm inside her mind as I read her ponderings, which I love.
Langought: James' semi-photoblog has wonderful little snippets of inspiration and thought that make me wonder what the hell he did that day to provoke them!
Age's Design Blog: I think Age needs to post more, maybe this will be an inspiration? I wanna see your stuff on your blog too, Age!
Hello Mum!: I've often told other friends who write about Lucy's books and blog, but I've never linked to her, so enjoy!
celestronica™ : Celeste's a new friend who's autobiographical posts make me feel like I'm not the only person in the world with a whole lot of crazy in their head who needs to spill it online. A kindred spirit across the miles.
Handful of Marbles: I have no idea what the significance of the title of Richard's blog is, but his travel posts are insightful and absolutely hilarious. I miss his wonderful Northern sense of humour.
That only took me two hours, sheesh! BEDTIME as there is meditation to be learned and practised tomorrow. Except I really fancy watching an episode of Torchwood just now. Oh, the dilemmas ...
I have to answer 6 questions about myself. At the end of the post, I then tag 6 people and post their names, then go to their blogs and leave them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read my blog. Then, I must let the person who tagged me know when I’ve posted my answers.
#1: 6 places I have lived
1. Victoria Street, Kalgoorlie (1979/80 - 1982): Hard to believe that this incredibly urban girl could have EVER managed in the "outback", but yes, I did three years service from the ages of 5 - 8. I hardly remember much, except for the red dirt and my incredible imagination expanding beyond all capabilities. Actually, compared to the Greenwood years, I actually remember an awful lot: the fairies under the tree in the front garden, rolling across the above-ground swimming pool cover (which was out-of-bounds of course) and falling in one winter, sucking condensed milk from the tube in Dad's dilly bag in the shed, having my first sister - Miss Kitty, the cat who adopted us, making up the "soap" story about condensed milk, the bloody handprint in Kerry's Dad's ambulance bay, playing maths games on Dad's computer at work, the swingset. My favourite photo of all time is out the front of this house, I will have to scan it in one day. It's of Paul and I in matching yellow waterproofs in the rain holding hands. I reckon he would have been three ... super cute.
2. Sholl Avenue, North Beach, Perth WA (1985 - 1995, 2007 - 2008): Aaah, I used to love this place; then I hated it, missed it, hated it and now tolerate it. It will never be home. The sea used to be welcoming, now I'm afraid of it. My room used to be my sanctuary, now it has demons in it. Paul's room is now safe, I don't mind being here so much, there are worse places to be. I don't like suburbia though, and Sholl Ave is the best example of middle-class middle-aged surburbia I can imagine.
3. Bakersfield, Holloway Prison, Tufnell Park, London N7 (1996): No joke, I lived on the prison grounds. For about six months. It was an old prison warders council flat, across three levels, different rooms on every level, and a disco toilet downstairs. My first proper UK residence (after over two months in the bed-bug ridden hostel in Earls Court), Cath, Sue, Daniel & I eked our existence in this bizarro space. I had the top floor, with my window looking out over the ex-prison grounds and onto the expanse of Tufnell Park, which wasn't terribly flash back in those days. It was far better than Holloway though, which I know became super cool about seven years ago, but back then it was well dodgy. N7 wasn't quite the NW5 postcode I was looking for, but it wasn't far off, and the bus ride down Camden Road to the zoo was pretty short. I remember Cath's massive posters from Our Price decorating the kitchen walls, Jarvis was our hero and he presided over everywhere.
4. Fraser House, Green Dragon Lane, Brentford, MIDDX, England (1996 - 1999): The London years. So much to say, I have no idea where to start. The last place in the world I could ever imagine existed let alone that I would live there, would be the nineteenth floor of a tower block overlooking the M4 and the north-west of London. Sharing a single mattress on the lino floor, living like jakey's with no refridgerator, carpet, curtains or furniture. My first real home though, David and I made it cosy and liveable, however guests, pigeons, jealousy, the band and maturity fucked all that up. I still have a load of fond memories though - the night with Alan, Tag (or was it Keith?) almost falling asleep in the flower bed, rude scrabble with Susannah, talking to Shelbs on the phone in the hall, sleeping on Karl's mattress after David & I had broken up, the divorce settlement consisting mostly of LP's.
5. Oakfield Avenue & Battlefield Gardens, Glasgow G12 & G42, Scotland (2000 - 2003): The Stephen years - lets get a house, House? Freezing nights in G12, awful fights in G42, but lots and lots of cooking, learning and discovering the person I wanted to become. I don't think it had a lot to do with the homes, more to do with the boyf, but still. In G12: Roots and Fruits around the corner!, the night we listened to Billy Connolly when I almost wet myself, the day Mum called to say Aunty Sue died, baking bread, pretending to study in the tiny freezing front room, Mark coming to stay for what seemed like ever! In G42: drunken nights with the Robbos and me screaming at Gem that she couldnae sing, the massive mexicana meals, fisticuffs in the hallway, baths after football, the forbidden emails. Good and bad times.
6. Flat 2/2, 1094 Cathcart Road G42, Scotland (2003 - 2006): MY HOME. The beautiful magnificent flat that I bought all on my own. I can't say enough wonderful things about this place, there are photos and memories galore of the happy happy times there. Yes, I know I also got sick there too, but it was mine, all mine, every single little square inch of it. My 28th birthday party with the Australian theme, the matching silver "whitegoods" in the kitchen, Simon and I staying up til ridiculous hours trying to paint the front room for M&D's impending arrival in the freezing December cold, the massive hall that felt like a ballroom, my days curled up in the cocoon on the couch in front of the TV unable to move, sloping floors and skewed walls, my bag wall in the bedroom, buying a drill to hang wooden blinds in the spare room and coming across all the different colours of paint layered under the window frames, AiH staying the night and having enough pillows for ALL of them! A special magical place, that'll be my Faraway Tree forever, I think?
#2: What was I doing 10 years ago?
July 1998? I was happily ensconced as the Girl Friday @ Jeepster in Kensal Rise, seemingly preparing for the release of TBWTAS (I had to go consult the B&S site to check that!) David & I were going strong, Shelbs was in Brum (I think?), Sinister was up and running and we'd had the very first London picnic. I can't check much else of what I was doing as Sinister is down and that's the only true archive I have of where and what I was saying/doing, how sad is that! It seems like my life revolved around the band, I was planning a trip home to Perth for that Christmas with David and I had a lot of friends and fun.
#3: 5 things on my to-do list today
Bugger, today's almost over. Can I do 5 things for tomorrow instead?
1. Ring Nanna to confirm I can do her washing on Monday and figure out what time to collect it.
2. NOT forget to tape Doctor Who!!!
3. Write on Sian & Stephen's engagement card and take it with me.
4. Make + take my lunch for the meditation day tomorrow.
5. Get back to Amanda about next Sunday and plan the rest of my social calender for the week.
#4: Snacks I like to eat
1. Biscuits - any kind, they are my problem food though and I will eat a PACKET in a go if given the opportunity or I come across the extreme laziness that prevents me from cooking.
2. Chocolate - should be dark, non-dairy, 70%+ cocoa solids, yet Dairy Milk often works too. That reminds me, I have a wrapper for a free Snickers in my bag that needs to be cashed in!
I'm not really a snack person it seems, I will eat anything you put in front of me (as long as there is no meat in it) but I would rather have a meal than a snack. Is that weird?
#5: If I was a billionaire
I would have very very very happy friends! Every so often I daydream of winning the lottery, never do I get to be a billionaire though, that just seems a ridiculous amount to envisage! As long as I could buy a flat in whatever city I wanted to live in (would be Melbourne at the moment), my friends, the bands I've worked for & various mental health, animal & green/socially responsible charities/organisations would get the bulk of the rest. Actually, I'd also try and promote the Arts and the teaching of Philosophy in schools somehow as well. I'd spend my days much as I do now, studying Philosophy and instead of working, I'd be learning Spanish, bass guitar and how to draw/paint as well. I'd buy all of Claude Maus' womens collections in size 8/S when they come out. There'd be lots and lots and lots of (mostly overseas) travelling as well, little jaunts here and there, with many friends as companions to make up for all the time I've had to spend travelling on my own.
#6: 6 bloggers to go to next
changesustain: My best friend Jen is changing her lifestyle in many ways, and this is her blog of the various thought processes that go into some of her & Tom's decisions. She might be far away, but I feel like I'm inside her mind as I read her ponderings, which I love.
Langought: James' semi-photoblog has wonderful little snippets of inspiration and thought that make me wonder what the hell he did that day to provoke them!
Age's Design Blog: I think Age needs to post more, maybe this will be an inspiration? I wanna see your stuff on your blog too, Age!
Hello Mum!: I've often told other friends who write about Lucy's books and blog, but I've never linked to her, so enjoy!
celestronica™ : Celeste's a new friend who's autobiographical posts make me feel like I'm not the only person in the world with a whole lot of crazy in their head who needs to spill it online. A kindred spirit across the miles.
Handful of Marbles: I have no idea what the significance of the title of Richard's blog is, but his travel posts are insightful and absolutely hilarious. I miss his wonderful Northern sense of humour.
That only took me two hours, sheesh! BEDTIME as there is meditation to be learned and practised tomorrow. Except I really fancy watching an episode of Torchwood just now. Oh, the dilemmas ...
Thursday 3 July 2008
Moblogging?
Doctor's surgeries are kind of awful places. I'm an idiot for attempting to read about quantum physics in the waiting room, but it's the book I'm on just now, so what else to do? Constant mental interruptions by complaining old people, infants, rubbish TV news and the good old general public at large. Oh, for the peace of mind that will descend tomorrow, 24 hours to go! The more I read about the global downturn, the more I think I may have got out of the UK at the right time. Marksies share price down 25% overnight? That's pretty huge. I do want to go back to live in London and do post-grad @ Oxford, but if it takes three to four years to get there, I think that should probably be about right, hopefully we'll be on the upswing by then. Whether other people can wait that long remains to be seen, however that's my fantasy-land talking again and I have no way of even pretending it is a plausible possibility! Och well, one can only hope, I suppose ...
Speaking of hope, I sent it out to the Universe to sort out this morning. Anyone driving past me as I was yapping away to the heaven's would have hopefully assumed I had some sort of fancy hands-free gadget nonsense in operation and that I wasn't just talking to myself. Little do they know! Anyway, it's out there to be figured out and I have the confidence in it being done so. I know I wrote in Melbs that the Universe is a more East than West coast thing, however Cynthia has reignited the West coast cheer squad, reminding me of the *power!* so I have enabled it, hopefully :)
I think I'm going to be waiting here forever. Back to the origins of the Universe then I suppose?
Speaking of hope, I sent it out to the Universe to sort out this morning. Anyone driving past me as I was yapping away to the heaven's would have hopefully assumed I had some sort of fancy hands-free gadget nonsense in operation and that I wasn't just talking to myself. Little do they know! Anyway, it's out there to be figured out and I have the confidence in it being done so. I know I wrote in Melbs that the Universe is a more East than West coast thing, however Cynthia has reignited the West coast cheer squad, reminding me of the *power!* so I have enabled it, hopefully :)
I think I'm going to be waiting here forever. Back to the origins of the Universe then I suppose?
Wednesday 2 July 2008
the last for today
The earlier stalking proved extremely amusing as I stumbled across a load of Melbourne friends' Friendster profiles. The LJ's (of course!), Ben, Timesy, Mitchell and a whole host of others spilled forth from Guy's profile. So funny, so nice to see all the lovely things they wrote about each other back when testimonials were all the rage. Made me miss Melbourne even more, but then I miss all my friends across the world all the time I suppose, what's the difference really? If only they could all be in the one place ... I'm not even convinced I know where that would be best anymore? London? Melbourne? Maybe I'll just choose somewhere completely new that my sweetheart and I would love - Barcelona? Roma? Berlinn? - and stay there. That's if I can find a sweetheart first ...
Stalking
Being one of my favourite pastimes, I spend far too much time using the internet as a tool to obtain information about things, it almost always leads to what could possibly be termed "stalking" if one were to wiki the actual definition of the word. Which I won't do right now, as I believe that by not having that piece of knowledge, I can safely continue what I am doing not knowing whether it is or isn't, by definition, stalking. Isn't ignorance wonderful?
(Oh, and by the way, I think the word I was looking for yesterday was premature ...)
So, I went to find my old Friendster profile. Friendster is what Facebook was before Myspace was invented. Does that make sense? Friendster -> Myspace -> Facebook. And of course being the virtual slapper that I am, I had/have all three. I'm sure there's tonnes more like bebo and what have you, but these are the ones I have fallen victim to. I t would be rather amusing to count up ALL the hours I have spent on these flipping social networking sites, I'm thinking that since I started my first profile in 2003 that there could be months of my life wasted/utilised (depends on your perspective) in these virtual existences. Amazing things have come from having them, friendships rekindled, relationships approached, information obtained. Awful things too as well though, mainly stemming from jealousy and stalking. Even though I hardly ever use it anymore as I'm always logged in under the bands Myspace, I updated mine the other day and I am kind of regretting it now. As I look back at my Friendster one - which I think was last updated after I moved to Melbourne, so maybe late 2006 - it's funny to see how I view the world at that set moment in time. Compare that to my other profiles and there is a distinct progression. Still, lots of the friends are the same and their beautiful comments are still there even though it's not always known who they are from as some people delete their profiles. I'm going to go stoke my own ego now and read all the comments and see if I still have secret messages in my inboxes! Hey, at least I never got into Second Life ...
(Oh, and by the way, I think the word I was looking for yesterday was premature ...)
So, I went to find my old Friendster profile. Friendster is what Facebook was before Myspace was invented. Does that make sense? Friendster -> Myspace -> Facebook. And of course being the virtual slapper that I am, I had/have all three. I'm sure there's tonnes more like bebo and what have you, but these are the ones I have fallen victim to. I t would be rather amusing to count up ALL the hours I have spent on these flipping social networking sites, I'm thinking that since I started my first profile in 2003 that there could be months of my life wasted/utilised (depends on your perspective) in these virtual existences. Amazing things have come from having them, friendships rekindled, relationships approached, information obtained. Awful things too as well though, mainly stemming from jealousy and stalking. Even though I hardly ever use it anymore as I'm always logged in under the bands Myspace, I updated mine the other day and I am kind of regretting it now. As I look back at my Friendster one - which I think was last updated after I moved to Melbourne, so maybe late 2006 - it's funny to see how I view the world at that set moment in time. Compare that to my other profiles and there is a distinct progression. Still, lots of the friends are the same and their beautiful comments are still there even though it's not always known who they are from as some people delete their profiles. I'm going to go stoke my own ego now and read all the comments and see if I still have secret messages in my inboxes! Hey, at least I never got into Second Life ...
Tuesday 1 July 2008
Where was i?
Oh that's right, I was going to write about some articles I've read today. However, I am going to dash off to check flights east for during my study break ... back shortly! $449 for 11th through to 22nd in Melbs. Or Perth ->Melbs -> Canberra -> Perth for $642. Maybe I should wait until I get back from this next trip before I plan my one afterwards, otherwise I'm being a little M&D about it! Plus, I don't really know what I would be going for as the band will be away, other than to visit peeps, so again, probably slightly immature? Impromptu? Improved? Geez, I hate it when my brain does this ... it's on the tip of my tongue. I still can't think of the word, but I'm sure a) you know what I mean and b) it will come to me at some ill-advised point whilst typing the next lot of nonsense.
OK, I've realised I've expended all my literaryness already this evening and I shan't be pondering on those articles. Best laid plans blah blah blah. So instead, here's the links again, you go read them and tell me what you think...
IMF finally knocks on Uncle Sam's door - here's hoping the American financial system gets its vastly overdue comeuppance. This article deserves an award, the writing is excellent, should be how ALL investigative reports are written.
Confidence plummets as Europe catches America's cold - very interesting investigation as to how the US downturn is affecting not only the UK but Europe as well. I wasn't very familiar with the economic situation in most EU countries, this article includes a brief history. I had no idea home ownership in Germany was so low, to be honest, that's probably a good thing, I think?
The apparent backlash against feminism - despite its somewhat rosy tone at the end, this article is a mostly astonishing account of just how many obstacles there are for equality between the genders. The point it makes about how society seems to be celebrating pregnancy as the rightful duty of a woman is gruesomely true. I can't say I agree with the end sentiment, it tricked me into forgetting everything I had previously read in the article. Prepare to be cross, especially you Jen if you read it.
Time for resting I think?
OK, I've realised I've expended all my literaryness already this evening and I shan't be pondering on those articles. Best laid plans blah blah blah. So instead, here's the links again, you go read them and tell me what you think...
IMF finally knocks on Uncle Sam's door - here's hoping the American financial system gets its vastly overdue comeuppance. This article deserves an award, the writing is excellent, should be how ALL investigative reports are written.
Confidence plummets as Europe catches America's cold - very interesting investigation as to how the US downturn is affecting not only the UK but Europe as well. I wasn't very familiar with the economic situation in most EU countries, this article includes a brief history. I had no idea home ownership in Germany was so low, to be honest, that's probably a good thing, I think?
The apparent backlash against feminism - despite its somewhat rosy tone at the end, this article is a mostly astonishing account of just how many obstacles there are for equality between the genders. The point it makes about how society seems to be celebrating pregnancy as the rightful duty of a woman is gruesomely true. I can't say I agree with the end sentiment, it tricked me into forgetting everything I had previously read in the article. Prepare to be cross, especially you Jen if you read it.
Time for resting I think?
Can someone tell me the difference please?
Between a 15-year old boy wearing Roberts Smith-style makeup and going out in public with his mate similarly attired AND a 17-year old girl getting her ears pierced more than once in each ear?
What's worse?
What would you think would be ACCEPTABLE?
I still find it amusing that the former is a now considered a funny tale about their kooky (yet wholly normal) son, whereas the latter was dealt with threats of being thrown out of home.
Once again, am I overreacting people? Surely not ...
What's worse?
What would you think would be ACCEPTABLE?
I still find it amusing that the former is a now considered a funny tale about their kooky (yet wholly normal) son, whereas the latter was dealt with threats of being thrown out of home.
Once again, am I overreacting people? Surely not ...
I'm able to write again!
I just said to a friend on the phone how nice it was to finally have the brain space to be able to write again, after the past seemingly endless yet probably only six weeks of chaos and craziness. Yesterday I feel I finally had the freedom and clarity of thought that allows me to actually properly think and comprehend without that nervous twitching that has been all-pervasive recently. I feel somewhat calm and at peace with my mind. It's a very nice feeling. I know I still have a bucketful of things to do, one which shan't be mentioned but is very much likely to affect "the 2008 plan" quite adversely. Hopefully I will get around to it later on tonight.
In the meantime, I've found three articles I wanted to blog on, but I just remembered another thing I've been pondering today so I will address that first ...
I realised that I cooked for FUN for the first time in months! I had my first creative cooking thought yesterday whilst in IGA - Scotch baps, anyone fancy a fried egg and tatty scone roll? - and today I acted on it; yet berry & choc-chip muffins were the result. And bloody nice they are too. These people who don't like berries because they are too tart are just plain stupid if you ask me.
Leading on from the food thing, I experienced an interesting thought process today when Mum told me about the cuttlefish she saw in the pool this afternoon. I'm sure it was a cuttlefish that Stephen and I were communicating with at some aquarium we went to in 2003, I think it was Singapore, but could very well have been Melbourne or Sydney or even Perth perhaps? I now recall how incredibly intelligent this creature was, waving back at us and swimming up and down in its tank. If cuttlefish aren't terribly different to squid, which I don't think they are, then how can I truly accept eating squid? And I already know how intelligent octupi are, yet the fact that they scare me to buggery is enough for me to consider eating them. Don't know if I could truly bring myself to kill one though. Removing it from the water is easy, but giving it a good bash is probably that step too far.
If you're having trouble following this train of thought, my semi-vegetarianism/vegaquarianism/pescaterianism stems from the motto that "I wouldn't eat anything I'm not prepared to kill". So, all animals and birds are off-menu, yet many sea creatures - fish, crabs, prawns, squid, shark etc. - are all allowable as they either "don't have brains" (an old quote from a probably-not-anymore friend who was justifying his cooking fish whilst he claimed vegetarianism) or I would quite happily remove them from their habitat, which in effect kills them, in order to consume them. Silly I suppose, but it has sustained me being both semi-vegetarian and (mostly) healthy for the last eight-and-a-half years (exactly, today!), so I've been sticking with it. Except I've now had four encounters that have started me thinking otherwise, that cutting out the aqua-life might be necessary too? The cuttlefish story from before is the third. Last week there was lamb (I just wrote meat but even that looks disgusting, such is my persuasion at present) defrosting on the side all bloody and revolting, made my stomach turn. Then I was having a conversation with Dad last night about fishing - which despite saying I would be happy to do, I have not done since I became this vegaquarian hybrid thingo - and I accepted I would have a lot of problems with bashing the fish in order to kill it after I'd reeled it in. Then we have the cuttlefish and as I went into the kitchen just before there was red meat being cut up to be stuffed inside pasties. Again, it turned my stomach. I'm not sure how to progress on this one, like I said to Mum, it seems that there's something encouraging me to step further away from consuming animal products. So, I have just decided to say no to shark and squid for now. Crusteaceans and fish are still fair game, not sure where that places an eel? Surely that's got to be more fish than anything else? Not that I eat eel anyway, but Dan's recommendation the other week made me curious. I wonder how long it will take for this position to be revised again? Probably not another 8+ years, I'm sure. I always thought I'd never make the move towards veganism, I'm sure I will never end up vegan, but I can certainly imagine being a proper practising vegetarian and mostly eschewing dairy & eggs too. One day. Maybe that's all part of the philosophical pursuit, as Plato termed it?
Flip, you'd think I hadn't written for months! Funny that ... Quickly on to those articles as Cynthia has arrived and I must surely become sociable.
Firstly, IMF finally knocks on Uncle Sam's door
Actually, I'm not going to get a chance to expand on these now, will have to do so later instead ...
In the meantime, I've found three articles I wanted to blog on, but I just remembered another thing I've been pondering today so I will address that first ...
I realised that I cooked for FUN for the first time in months! I had my first creative cooking thought yesterday whilst in IGA - Scotch baps, anyone fancy a fried egg and tatty scone roll? - and today I acted on it; yet berry & choc-chip muffins were the result. And bloody nice they are too. These people who don't like berries because they are too tart are just plain stupid if you ask me.
Leading on from the food thing, I experienced an interesting thought process today when Mum told me about the cuttlefish she saw in the pool this afternoon. I'm sure it was a cuttlefish that Stephen and I were communicating with at some aquarium we went to in 2003, I think it was Singapore, but could very well have been Melbourne or Sydney or even Perth perhaps? I now recall how incredibly intelligent this creature was, waving back at us and swimming up and down in its tank. If cuttlefish aren't terribly different to squid, which I don't think they are, then how can I truly accept eating squid? And I already know how intelligent octupi are, yet the fact that they scare me to buggery is enough for me to consider eating them. Don't know if I could truly bring myself to kill one though. Removing it from the water is easy, but giving it a good bash is probably that step too far.
If you're having trouble following this train of thought, my semi-vegetarianism/vegaquarianism/pescaterianism stems from the motto that "I wouldn't eat anything I'm not prepared to kill". So, all animals and birds are off-menu, yet many sea creatures - fish, crabs, prawns, squid, shark etc. - are all allowable as they either "don't have brains" (an old quote from a probably-not-anymore friend who was justifying his cooking fish whilst he claimed vegetarianism) or I would quite happily remove them from their habitat, which in effect kills them, in order to consume them. Silly I suppose, but it has sustained me being both semi-vegetarian and (mostly) healthy for the last eight-and-a-half years (exactly, today!), so I've been sticking with it. Except I've now had four encounters that have started me thinking otherwise, that cutting out the aqua-life might be necessary too? The cuttlefish story from before is the third. Last week there was lamb (I just wrote meat but even that looks disgusting, such is my persuasion at present) defrosting on the side all bloody and revolting, made my stomach turn. Then I was having a conversation with Dad last night about fishing - which despite saying I would be happy to do, I have not done since I became this vegaquarian hybrid thingo - and I accepted I would have a lot of problems with bashing the fish in order to kill it after I'd reeled it in. Then we have the cuttlefish and as I went into the kitchen just before there was red meat being cut up to be stuffed inside pasties. Again, it turned my stomach. I'm not sure how to progress on this one, like I said to Mum, it seems that there's something encouraging me to step further away from consuming animal products. So, I have just decided to say no to shark and squid for now. Crusteaceans and fish are still fair game, not sure where that places an eel? Surely that's got to be more fish than anything else? Not that I eat eel anyway, but Dan's recommendation the other week made me curious. I wonder how long it will take for this position to be revised again? Probably not another 8+ years, I'm sure. I always thought I'd never make the move towards veganism, I'm sure I will never end up vegan, but I can certainly imagine being a proper practising vegetarian and mostly eschewing dairy & eggs too. One day. Maybe that's all part of the philosophical pursuit, as Plato termed it?
Flip, you'd think I hadn't written for months! Funny that ... Quickly on to those articles as Cynthia has arrived and I must surely become sociable.
Firstly, IMF finally knocks on Uncle Sam's door
Actually, I'm not going to get a chance to expand on these now, will have to do so later instead ...
just quickly
Aaah, ten million things to write about and never enough time. I promised I'd make breakfast in the morning too, I never said I'd get up in time for *their* breakfast (and seeing it's past 2.15 now it's highly unlikely that I actually will be up), but I should at least try and make an effort I suppose. If only I knew somewhere to get potato scones, the fried egg & tatty scone baps with brown sauce would be perfect. They'll just have to be double eggy with a strip or two of fakin' bacon instead.
I managed through another day without driving myself insane thinking in circles, not quite sure how it happened, but I did, thankfully. Discovering that In Flagranti are DJing @ Revolver the same night that Van She are @ The Prince whilst I'm in Melbourne wasn't too helpful though. Neither was the thought a couple of hours ago that I should actually ask him whether he'd like to come with me to see In Flagranti... I think I'll have to ponder on that one for a bit, perhaps I'll have an answer in the morning. Then I'm sure once I decide whether to ask or not, I'll dilemma over just when I should ask. Not that I'm crazy or anything.
To tired to write any more, I've had lots of space and clarity today, it's been an extremely welcome change.
I managed through another day without driving myself insane thinking in circles, not quite sure how it happened, but I did, thankfully. Discovering that In Flagranti are DJing @ Revolver the same night that Van She are @ The Prince whilst I'm in Melbourne wasn't too helpful though. Neither was the thought a couple of hours ago that I should actually ask him whether he'd like to come with me to see In Flagranti... I think I'll have to ponder on that one for a bit, perhaps I'll have an answer in the morning. Then I'm sure once I decide whether to ask or not, I'll dilemma over just when I should ask. Not that I'm crazy or anything.
To tired to write any more, I've had lots of space and clarity today, it's been an extremely welcome change.
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